Breaking News: She gave Harry an icy stare any husband would know – watch what you’re saying, mister!!!

At an unnamed location near Santa Barbara, rich with plumped cushions and accent lampshades, CBS News host Jane Pauley sat down with the Duke and Duchess of Sussex for an interview.

‘I am so, so happy you’re here. Thank you,’ said Meghan, giving the famous American television host that special big hug she reserves for famous American television hosts.

Then it was straight down to business. Harry and Meghan were launching a Parents’ Network to help support those whose children had died because of online harm. Harry was the first to speak.

‘We always talk about in the olden days if your kids were under your roof, you knew what they were up to,’ he said, making a steeple with his fingers to illustrate the shape of a roof, presumably so that any hobbits or igloo-dwellers out there would know what he was talking about.

‘And at least they were safe, right?’ But were they, Harry? Were they really? They could be trying on Nazi uniforms or playing naked billiards or taking cocaine or all sorts. You just never know with kids.

However, the duke was specifically concerned with online bullying and the extreme effect it could have on the vulnerable. ‘They could be in the next-door room on a tablet or phone and can be going down these rabbit holes and, before you know it, within 24 hours they could be taking their life,’ he babbled.

‘We have got to the stage where almost every parent needs to be a first responder and even the best first responders in the world wouldn’t be able to tell the signs of possible suicide. That is the terrifying piece of this.’

Just when I was thinking this might be rather a disproportionate response to a nonetheless serious problem, Pauley reminded viewers that even the duchess herself had once considered suicide.
Meghan nodded sadly at the memory of that time back in olde England, when Archie was still just a baby, that she didn’t feel her life was worth living.

‘I just didn’t – I didn’t want to be alive any more,’ she said, clutching Harry’s left knee for support. Jane Pauley thought Meghan looked ‘uncomfortable’ with the morbid line of questioning, but the duchess looked pretty relaxed to me.

“I understand where you are. I wasn’t expecting it,’ she said nobly, going on to explain that her ‘healing journey’ involved being open about her suicidal thoughts.
‘I would never want someone else to feel that way, I would never want someone else to be making those sorts of plans, and I would never want someone else not to be believed.

‘So if me voicing what I have overcome will save someone… I’ll take a hit for that,’ added Meghan, giving viewers an inspiring example of the emotional benevolence that makes her so very special.
Indeed, in the four years that the Sussexes have lived in America, Meghan has perfected her gracious duchess-in-exile persona: regal but relatable, grand and bland in equal measure.

She smiled beatifically when she talked of ‘change for good’ and her ‘amazing’ children, but sometimes would look stonily at Harry when it was his turn to talk on camera. Husbands around the world would recognise and interpret that icy, wifely stare in seconds: Watch what you are saying, mister.

And keep it short. In a brief exchange of hugs on a veranda, the Sussexes met some of the bereaved parents. One couple had lost a daughter to online bullying, two others had lost sons who ordered drugs online which killed them.
However, the Parents’ Network, which has been launched on the Sussexes’ official Archewell website, will meet online in future. ‘This in-person gathering was just for the launch,’ said Pauley. I bet it was.

Sometimes you wonder how Harry and Meghan have the nerve, the sheer brassy audacity to do what they do. Of course, the altruistic urge is obvious in launching an online Parents’ Network.
One can see the essential goodness in building an ’empowered community of families’ to ‘support and uplift each other’.

Yet it is no secret that the Sussexes are estranged – to a greater or lesser degree – from their own parents. Parents such as Mr T Markle, who lives in reduced circumstances in a dusty Mexican border town. The 80-year-old is in poor health and has yet to meet his daughter Meghan’s husband or be introduced to his two grandchildren, who he is longing to get to know before he dies.

Is there a network for him to join? Or what about a network for King Charles, the parent who has become so concerned about his younger son’s public indiscretions and confessions that he reportedly avoids taking his calls and keeps their meetings to a minimum?

It is all very confusing. Do the Sussexes mean well – or are they just mean? Perhaps you think I’m being too cynical, but I’ll take a hit for that.